Day 12: Running On Empty

Today was insanely long, so I’m going to keep this short. I am tired, and tomorrow afternoon can’t possibly come fast enough. I ate some terrible things today, but I didn’t binge, and I did use mindfulness to regulate my behavior and rein myself in, when I had the opportunity to really go off the rails. That being said, I hit an emotional low tonight that felt truly terrible, and I’m not in the mood to have that happen again, like, ever.

Without going into heavy specifics, I had a lot going on at work, and hit the ground running as soon as I got in at 8am. I didn’t bring food with me to work, and the first thing I ate this morning was a couple of praline squares, so I started the day with a dose of sugar. Then the bistro ran out of bacon and eggs before I could grab breakfast, so I didn’t get my customary protein (and I’d neglected to bring any backup boiled eggs, so nothing there, either). I didn’t get to slow down until 12:45, when I was required to go to this work luncheon, where it turned out that every dish had sugar in it. The base ingredients of everything I ate were fine – pork loin, greens, sweet potato – but everything came with added sweetener. By 3pm I was crashing.

Then, at 5:15 I had the choice of walking to this post-work networking event, or of taking the bus. It was almost 3 miles away, so I decided to save time by taking the bus, but the bus ended up being an hour late. I was steaming mad by the time the bus came, and managed to rein it in once I got to the networking thing, but once there, I drank two beers. I did the networking, then dipped out as soon as it seemed socially acceptable to do so, and started the walk home. At first I was OK, but then I started to get weepy and sad, and grew increasingly more despondent as I walked home through a neighborhood I used to live in about ten years back. I cried all the way back to Canal Street, and honestly would have continued crying had one of my best friends not called to talk, and snapped me out of it.

Though the emotions I was experiencing were based in some reality – a sense of loneliness, melancholy at time passing, and regret at not being more by this stage in my life – in general they were a result of eating absolute crap all day, starting my day off on the wrong base (too much sugar and caffeine, not enough whole foods and protein), being at work for far too long of a stretch, being uncomfortable in the networking situation and pushing myself to be friendly and approachable, and drinking a sizable dose of depressants on an empty stomach. I mean, of course you’re going to feel like crap and start having a temper tantrum – you need a nap and a healthy meal, lady!

So now I’m home. I had a great talk with my best friend/college roommate Trin, and gave her the skinny (ha) on my binge eating and recovery efforts, and what’s been going on in my head as of late.

I also found a pineapple on the sidewalk on my way home. Isn’t that weird? A perfectly nice pineapple, just sitting there, waiting for me. I hope it doesn’t end up morphing into its true shape as a Decepticon once I go to bed. I wish the Transformers were all vegetables, and the Decepticons were fruit. Yup, this is all that’s left of my poor, poor fried brain. It’s time to go to bed and start afresh tomorrow.

Today’s Weight: 190.8 Lbs.

Today’s Exercise: 20,031 steps, and enough emotional acrobatics to give Cirque du Soleil a run for their money.

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Author: Anna

I like to travel, hike, contemplate the cosmos, spend time in nature, hang out with my cats, and write in my blog. Apparently I'm also a doormat, but I'm working on that.

9 thoughts on “Day 12: Running On Empty”

    1. No, I’m not. But thanks for asking! Just doing my best to pay attention to the havoc shit food plays on my body. If you want to start from the beginning, the “Start Here” drop down under the “About” tab takes you to Day 1.

      Liked by 1 person

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