Day 11: A Love Note

I’m not going to work out today, because I love myself.

This is a very difficult concept to work with. My mind rejects all parts of it. To begin with, the whole “I love me” thing always makes me chuckle uncomfortably. I’m still working at it. Then, part of me says, “Well, if you loved yourself, wouldn’t you be doing everything you could to be skinny?” And part of me says, “This isn’t about being skinny, it’s about being healthy – get your facts straight!” And part of me says, “Great! Since we love ourselves today, can we also eat a gallon of ice cream, and maybe drink a bottle of champagne while we’re at it?”

Sigh.

The simplest way to explain this to all aspects of me is thus:

Anna, you are a beautiful woman. You don’t need to be thinner to prove this beauty to yourself or anyone else – you’re not stupid, and if they are, that’s not your problem. You notice how people gravitate towards you when you’re smiling and happy. You know that you’re kind and accepting, and genuinely likeable. (A little weird, but likeable.) Men like you, women aren’t put off by you, animals dig you, and it’s OK that kids think you’re scary, because you think they’re scary, too.

You’ve been thinking about this carefully, and have come to the conclusion that losing weight would be the healthiest option for you, and would greatly improve your quality of life. And I love you, so I’m going to help you get there. I’ll continue to push you to new heights every day, and we’ll get some really good workouts in, and work on eating delicious, healthful foods for the rest of our life. The weight will drop off, just wait and see!

But today you’re having a particularly heavy flow day (and are out of tampons at work – awesome), and you’re in a terrible mood. You’ve been on the verge of tears for an hour now, and very snippy all day, and just generally a lot more anxious than is healthy for anyone who has to encounter you today. That’s OK. Sometimes life is hard, and I know you’re doing doing your best to not be a jerk to anyone but yourself. But see, that’s the problem. You deserve love, too.

So I tell you what – let’s take a day off from working out. Yeah, you know you can’t work out tomorrow either, but it’s really OK. You’re already 7 lbs. down; that’s a great number! We can still go to the gym, to keep the habit going, but today we’ll sit in the sauna to sweat out some of this aggression. Afterwards, we can go home, take a nice long bath, and tell this day to GTFO. We’ll do our nails, and curl up with the cats to watch something silly on Netflix. Easy peasy. Just a beautiful, relaxing evening.

(Note that nothing about this plan includes junk food or alcohol, but it does involve not having to cry while running on the treadmill, so I figure that’s an even trade off, right?)

Today’s Weight: 190.8 Lbs.

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Author: Anna

I like to travel, hike, contemplate the cosmos, spend time in nature, hang out with my cats, and write in my blog. Apparently I'm also a doormat, but I'm working on that.

3 thoughts on “Day 11: A Love Note”

  1. Whenever I encounter days like this myself, I try (and admittedly don’t always succeed) to find some comfort in the saying “you can’t lunge forward without first taking a step back.”

    My problem is I tend to beat up on myself if I’m not constantly progressing in some form or another, and the last three months have thrown a lot in my direction (I just lost my job due to a bankruptcy, I’m returning to school, taking depression counseling, and trying to gain weight) but sometimes I wake up and just can’t do it — so I can really empathize with your struggle today. Thanks for sharing this!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love that saying! What a great way to think of it. One thing I think I’m finally getting through my thick skull is that sometimes “progression” is really difficult to see, even if it’s actually in leaps and bounds. You can easily measure weight and muscle and fat, but it’s very difficult to measure things like mental and emotional wellbeing, which are every bit as integral to being a whole, healthy person. Thank you so much for reading and for commenting. Everyone’s struggle is different and valid, and it’s so helpful to share (at least I think so, lol). Have a great day!

      Liked by 1 person

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