Sorry if you missed me yesterday. I actually wrote a pretty long and involved post about the planning and preparation that goes into making sure that my weekend doesn’t derail before it begins. The beauty of this blog as a self-help tool for me is in the writing, and I did find that in the process of putting together yesterday’s post, I discovered some things that have a habit of pushing me off of the deep end into abusing food (namely any activity that requires me to make small talk with strangers or acquaintances, which appears to encompass about 95% of social engagements, so that’s going to be a really fun issue to tackle – not). Anyway, working this out in writing was useful, but I didn’t have time to finish the piece, electing instead to go to the movies with my boyfriend. We’ve been in a weird place lately, and don’t see as much of each other as we used to, so when I found out that Trainspotting 2 was playing at the Broad Theater, I impetuously purchased tickets for the both of us. Such a great decision; it really hit the spot. I loved being back in the middle of this crazy film friendship, finding out where Rent Boy, Sick Boy, Spud and Begbie were, 20 years later.
Overall, it was a great night, though I wasn’t as successful as I would have preferred to be in being mindful of my food and drink intake. I find it nearly impossible to go to the movies without eating way too much. My all-time favorite activity is to go to a double matinee by myself on a Sunday morning, starting off with a jumbo soda and popcorn (the size where you can get free refills), and peppering the experience with candy or Dippin’ Dots if the mood strikes. No, I don’t do this anymore, but honestly it’s only because I don’t have a car, so I can’t get to the cheap movie theater out in the ‘burbs anymore. If you’re reading this and worried that’s where I went off the rails last night, don’t worry – I was actually pretty good. Before leaving, I was smart enough to eat a small, healthy meal, so when we got to the theater, I had a few bites of the boyfriend’s popcorn, a beer…and most of a giant bag of Reese’s pieces. Oh well, can’t be perfect 100% of the time.
Afterwards, we went back to my place, drank a few more beers, and talked about real things until the wee hours, which I’d call a perfect night. No putzing about online or watching TV, no politics or social media, no one else around to turn the conversation to lighter subjects – just us, giving each other the time we deserve. We’re both going through some intense life transitions right now, and we work opposite schedules, so we don’t see that much of each other. We also both quit Facebook at the beginning of April, and I don’t know if either of us knew how much we “talked” via sharing and liking posts on each other’s walls. Add to that anxiety and depression on both sides of the aisle, food issues on my side, and your general boundary exploration that happens once you’re three years into a relationship, and we’re in a weird place together.
What’s absolutely magical about our very real friendship is that I can be completely honest with him about all of these things without fear that he’ll take it the wrong way. We’re opposing signs (Scorpio and Taurus), and have always shared this dogged determination to understand and really absorb how the other person is faring. We’re each other’s shadow sides, for better or worse. So last night, we had a really good, long conversation about what we know and don’t know about what we both want, our growth as individuals, and how we’ll continue to keep the lines of communication open and provide avenues for both of us to be free and explore and make whatever next steps seem best. There were no revelations, but that’s OK.
Just a note that this blog isn’t here for me to talk about love and dating, but I do want to make sure to note this portion of my life here, since no one is an island, and no issue stands alone. It is going to be impossible for me to overcome my issues with food and dieting and body image without taking an honest look at how my relationships affect my emotions and food intake.
But on to today. Did I derail myself through last night’s exploits? I’m not entirely sure yet, but I don’t think so. I woke up and made a great breakfast – scrambled eggs, sauteed spinach and garlic, half of a baked sweet potato, and a scoop of salsa. Now I’m at the cafe, having an iced coffee (black, no sugar), and catching up with the blog. I had originally planned to go to the gym to work out, but I can’t see that happening. So what I’ll probably end up doing is completing a short workout from 8Fit, maybe going on a run around my neighborhood, and calling it a day. If I don’t have the energy to do all that, that’s OK, too. It was a great first week of working out, and I know I’m going to Zumba tomorrow, so I’m allowed a break if I want.
Once I’m done here, I’ll go home to do some food prep – I’ve got a rotisserie chicken to cut up for chicken salad, plus eggs to boil, and I’m sure something else I’ve forgotten. Then maybe I’ll clean the house, throw out some more junk, and then attempt to do some “real” writing for the first time in a while – work on one of the fiction projects that I’ve been rolling around in my head for years. We’ll see.
Yesterday’s Weight: 194.0 Lbs.
Today’s Exercise: 7,574 steps, including a 35-minute/2.5 mile run/walk