I did it. Last night I spent some time researching my health plan and figuring out who could take my insurance, and it turns out that Oschner (my old hospital/clinic) takes Cigna (my new health insurance). Today I found the courage to call and make an appointment. I was trying to get in with my boyfriend’s doctor, whom I know to be professional and accommodating, but it turns out he’s not seeing new patients right now. So I talked it through with the appointment setter, and she got me in with my old primary care physician.
I have mixed feelings on this. While I don’t have any negative memories regarding my old doctor, I also don’t have any positive ones. As I remember, she was nice, but also pretty hands-off, which didn’t do me any good then, and definitely won’t do me any good now. So I’m going to take my own advice and write down an extensive list of what I want to talk about with her when I’m there in the office, and give it to her as a bulleted list for us both to look through together.
I’m going to have to be my own advocate, and not go anywhere until she’s provided me with the proper channels to continue my journey. No more backing down. No more being acquiescent. I’m too old for this shit. I am going to kick binge eating and anxiety in the face. I am going to unravel all of these knots – physical, emotional, and mental. It’s not going to be instant, but it will happen, as long as I keep working at it, just a little bit each day.
Today’s Weight: 196.6 lbs.
Today’s Exercise: 14,827 steps (including a 30-minute run/walk on the treadmill), 7 minute tabata session
Today’s Personal Interaction: I’m adding this section because it feels right in regards to getting out of my head. Today I talked to my parents for 30 minutes on the phone. It’s never great, but I keep trying. Basically just my dad complaining for the entire time, asking how I’m doing, then immediately moving on without letting me answer. Joy. However, yesterday, I wrote three personal emails to friends I haven’t spoken with in months, and coordinated upcoming phone chats with two of my best friends in the world! So that’s a win.