Day 2: At The Office

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I changed careers a year and a half ago. I’ve changed a lot of things in the last few years, now that I come to think of it, but for the most part, it’s still up in the air whether or not the choices I’ve made have all been for the better. The career change was a definite improvement, though.

Before I decided to do something different, I was the director of marketing for an interior design firm, and later, the director of marketing for an advertising firm. I was good at what I did, but I hated it. The culture is so competitive, and the subject matter and methodology is constantly changing. Practices that can be considered gospel today all go out the window tomorrow. You’re constantly expected to train in cutting edge tech, learn new and exciting jargon, and look 110% prettier, hipper, and more fresh than anyone you meet. It’s exhausting, not to mention expensive, to pay for all of that continuing education and upkeep.

You also never leave work behind when you leave the office – it’s there with you 24/7. Social media never sleeps, and when you have 10+ clients’ social media accounts to manage, that’s hundreds of channels. I’m sure plenty of successful marketers have found a way to let it go when they want to go back to living their own lives, but I never found a way. I would wake up in a cold sweat, worried about so-and-so’s Twitter feed, and whether that new blog post I’d written for such-and-such was trending yet. It consumed me. Marketing was like a chronic illness. There was no stepping away. There was nothing but a constant sense of panic – foot tapping and nail biting and anger and fear – in my case, accompanied by lots of food in an attempt to dull the pain.

Things are different in my new job. There’s still panic, but it’s muted, and it comes from somewhere else – mostly that I now make about 1/2 of my old income. But I make up the financial loss in other ways. I can walk away at the end of the day and not take the job with me, and more importantly, I’m happy when I’m at the hotel. I genuinely love working in hospitality, despite the occasional bump in the road. With time, I’ll also begin to make more money, though right now I’m constantly on edge with how little I seem to be able to live now that I can’t spend a dime on anything frivolous. No date nights, no new shoes, no mani/pedis, no clothes or craft projects. I can’t even afford to grow a little cactus garden like I’ve been dreaming (though to be honest, I’d probably kill it). I only own one pair of work pants, and they’re starting to look ragged.

Worst of all, I can’t afford doctor visits, which isn’t frivolous at all, but rather desperately needed. I absolutely must go to see a GP in the near future, to get my general health checked, get tested for diabetes and thyroid issues, and get a referral to see a psychiatrist so I can get back on the anti-anxiety meds I desperately need. I also need to start seeing a therapist regularly. All that adds up. Even with health insurance, in a single month that’s going to be over $200, not counting meds. There’s no way for me to pay that now, so therapy is off the table until I get a raise or find a free alternative (that’s where meditation comes in, by the way). But if I really watch my pennies, I can pay for the GP. And if I’m really, really lucky, I can get the GP to renew my existing prescriptions, and skip the cost of the psychiatrist. So I’m just going to focus on being really, really lucky – and explain this all to the GP in hopes that she’ll understand.

  • Goal #1 for the week ahead is to find a GP and make an appointment for the near future, so I can be proactive about finding help for the binge eating and anxiety, plus make sure that I’m not suffering from any serious health issues.
  • Goal #2 for the week ahead is to attend a meditation meeting on Wednesday night. It’s time to start getting serious about making meditation a part of my everyday practice. Because even if I am successful at getting back on meds, I still need to be working at being mentally healthy in other ways, for a multitude of reasons.
  • Goal #3 for the week ahead is to watch what I eat and drink at the office. Quality in, quality out. Nothing from the vending machine. No stress candy or soda. Coffee and tea (black), bacon and eggs (hand to God, I get as much free bacon as I want every morning), and whatever healthy thing I bring for lunch – this week it’s leftover veggie curry and hard boiled eggs. Just those steps alone are enough to lose weight, but it’s not really just weight we’re talking about here, is it?
  • And my final goal, Goal #4, is to exercise, even if it’s nothing that impressive. Even just the minimum of meeting my steps goal on my FitBit and just doing some stretching and weightlifting at the gym is enough. As long as I’m trying harder than I tried last week, I’ll have met my goal for this week.

Today’s Weight: 197.8 lbs.

Today’s Exercise: 13,000 steps, 9 minute tabata session, 15 minute yoga session, and an hour at the gym catching up with my friend Theo (she’s brilliant, so that counts as mental exercise).

 

 

Author: Anna

Aspiring writer. Hiking & backpacking enthusiast. Walked the Camino de Santiago (Camino Francés) in 2015, and hiked the Grand Canyon rim-to-rim in 2016. Slightly obsessed with St. Francis of Assisi and Elen of the Ways. I write about whatever comes to mind, but spend a lot of time dissecting my journey with anxiety & depression, recovering from compulsive eating, living in New Orleans, and my three cats.

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